Are Husbands Called to be the Spiritual Leader of the Family?

I have heard this so much that I have just taken for granted that this is true.
I have heard this phrase used mostly by women, usually either frustrated that their husbands were not the spiritual leader in their home, or praying that God would raise men up to be the spiritual leaders. I wondered if our thinking about this was really causing some women to be frustrated and some men to be pressured to be something that they feel unequipped for.

I began to study about this and am continuing to ask questions.
First, the term "spiritual leader" is not in the Bible, not in a dozen translations that I checked. In every discussion about marriage, the husband is never instructed to be the spiritual leader, or described as the spiritual leader. So, where do we get this idea?

I am sure we get this from the passages that do talk about marriage.

1 Cor 11:3
3 But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.

Eph 5:22-28

22  Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands.
25  Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish.   28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

In these verses, Paul says that the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church.
The word translated "head" is the Greek word kephale, which means, literally, head, as in head of the body.
It also was a metaphor for origin, like the head of a river, could be “fountainhead or life source”. 
When the Greek word kephale was used, it did not have the connotation of boss or authority. Our English word "head" has that connotation, as the head of a corporation. So, when we read "head" we think of boss, leader.  I Corinthians 11:3 says that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. Christ is not inferior to God. The trinity is not a hierarchy. The Father does not say, I’m the boss, do what I say. The trinity is perfect unity, an organic oneness.The metaphor used is the body. The head and the body have an organic unity. So, it must be that Paul is saying that the husband and wife have an organic unity like the body with the head. 

     So, do these verses indicate that the husband is the leader of the home, spiritual or otherwise? Maybe. But, not clearly. 

     There are some marriages that work like this. The husband is the spiritual leader of the home, and both husband and wife are happy and secure. That is great. I don't want to rock that boat. 

I     I know many other marriages that are struggling with that idea. 

      Many women are upset because their husbands are not the "spiritual leader". The wife wants her husband to pray with her, to lead family devotions, to read Bible stories to the children, to have personal time reading his Bible, to serve in the church, and to live a godly life. All  of those things are good things, very good things, but those things should be between a man and His God, not his wife. These wives are frustrated, and feel that they are not able to grow or be in community; they feel that they are being held back by their husband  Many times, these wives begin to nag their husbands, complaining to them, and about them to other people. Many times, the husband is confused by his wives demands, and feels that she does not respect him or appreciate him. 

       It just seems to me that often, we have put a demand upon husbands that they are not comfortable with. I think it would be good if wives let go of an idea of what their husbands should be. Learn to appreciate your husband for who he is. Focus on his good qualities and don't demand that he live up to some ideal "spiritual leader" that you have formed in your mind.
      Every woman has the ability to study the Bible, to spend time with God to grow in faith, to be transformed, to love the Lord with her whole being, to love and serve other people. It is person's responsibility to take care of their relationship with God.


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